Arranging a funeral for a loved one is a deeply personal experience, and there is no single “right” way to do it. When my parents passed, my siblings and I had to start from scratch because no plans were in place. It was overwhelming, but we learned a lot along the way.
I’m not here to tell you how to plan a funeral—that’s a decision unique to every family. Instead, I want to share some practical tips that helped us navigate the process, making it just a little bit easier.
1. Talk to Your Loved Ones About Their Wishes (If Possible)
Talking to a loved one about their funeral arrangements may feel uncomfortable, but having this conversation ahead of time can bring peace of mind later.
Here are some important questions to ask:
✅ Do they prefer burial or cremation?
✅ Is there a specific funeral home, cemetery, or religious service they would like?
✅ Have they pre-paid for a funeral or have a life insurance policy that covers costs?
✅ Do they want a traditional funeral or a celebration of life?
If you can’t get these answers before their passing, lean on family and friends to make choices that honor their memory. And accept those casserole dishes from friends—you might forget to eat while handling arrangements!
2. Finding a Funeral Home That Fits Your Budget
Just like any other service, funeral homes vary in cost. Some are high-end, while others offer more affordable options.
💡 Tip: If cost is a concern, ask for recommendations from friends, coworkers, or religious communities.
For example, when my father passed, my older brother had a friend who worked at a funeral home. She advised us not to use her funeral home because it was extremely high-end, but she helped us find an option within our budget.
3. Coordinating with the Funeral Home After a Loved One Passes
Depending on where your loved one passes, the process of contacting the funeral home may vary:
➡️ If they pass in a hospital: Hospital staff will ask for your chosen funeral home and coordinate transportation.
➡️ If they pass in an assisted living facility or at home: The family is usually responsible for contacting the funeral home.
When my mom moved into assisted living, we pre-selected a funeral home, assuming hospice would handle the call. However, when she passed, we learned that we had to call the funeral home ourselves.
💡 Lesson learned: If your loved one is in a care facility, confirm ahead of time who is responsible for calling the funeral home when the time comes.
In my case, I was hours away when I received the news. My brothers were with her, but we realized no one had arranged transportation yet. After a quick call to the funeral home, they assured us they would arrive within a few hours—giving me time to say my final goodbyes before they took her into their care.
4. Meeting with the Funeral Director: What to Expect
About 24 hours after contacting the funeral home, they will schedule a meeting to discuss arrangements. This is where you’ll go over:
- Cremation or burial arrangements
- Funeral service details (music, flowers, religious preferences, etc.)
- Cemetery arrangements (if applicable)
The funeral director also helped us with many logistical tasks, including:
✅ Ordering death certificates
✅ Guiding us on Social Security procedures
✅ Referrals for legal advice
✅ Arranging for military honors (if applicable)
✅ Providing grief support resources
For veterans, the funeral home can coordinate with Veterans Affairs for military honors. You will need Form DD214 (Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty) to arrange burial in a veterans’ cemetery.
💡 Tip: Ask the funeral director how many death certificates you will need. Many institutions (banks, insurance companies, etc.) require originals.
5. Funeral Day: Honoring Your Loved One in a Way That Feels Right
By the time the funeral day arrives, most details will have already been handled, allowing you to focus on honoring your loved one.
When planning, consider what works best for your family. Here’s what we learned from organizing our parents’ funerals:
My Father’s Funeral
✅ Cremation was completed before the funeral.
✅ Traditional celebration of life was held.
✅ VFW & Knights of Columbus provided military honors.
✅ After the service, we went straight to the cemetery for burial.
💡 What we learned: The ceremony was beautiful, but we didn’t have much time to connect with family and friends.
My Mother’s Funeral
✅ Cremation was also completed before the funeral.
✅ We held a celebration of life at the funeral home.
✅ After the service, we gathered at my brother’s house to spend time with family and friends.
✅ A few days later, we held a private burial service, laying her to rest with my father.
💡 Why this worked better for us: It gave us time to decompress and grieve with family in a more personal setting.
➡️ Bottom line: There is no “right” way to plan a funeral—do what feels best for your family.
Final Thoughts
Planning a funeral is an emotional and personal journey. It can feel overwhelming, but taking it one step at a time makes it more manageable.
The most important thing? Honor your loved one in a way that brings your family comfort. Whether it’s a traditional funeral, a simple memorial, or a casual gathering at home—what matters most is remembering them with love.
I hope these tips help make the process a little easier for those facing similar circumstances.
Key Takeaways:
✅ Talk to your loved ones about their wishes (if possible).
✅ Find a funeral home that fits your budget.
✅ Confirm who will notify the funeral home after a loved one passes.
✅ Understand what to expect in meetings with the funeral director.
✅ Plan the funeral in a way that feels right for your family.
