No child or middle-aged adult ever expects to face the responsibility of completing legal guardian paperwork for a parent. The idea might seem too overwhelming or sensitive to consider. However, in the summer of 2023, my brothers and I made the difficult decision to file the necessary paperwork to obtain legal guardianship of our mother, Lucille. If you find yourself in a similar situation, you may experience feelings of guilt or worry about how others will perceive your actions. It’s important to remember that if you’ve exhausted all options regarding care and medical decisions, and your loved one is making choices harmful to their health or safety, becoming a legal guardian may be the right course of action. Elder law and advocacy groups exist to guide you through the legal guardian paperwork process, offering support for both caregivers and families. You might feel alone and overwhelmed, but numerous resources are available to assist you during this challenging time. I began writing about this and related topics to help others who are navigating the same path.
After Dad passed away in January 2022, my brothers and I helped Mom with the funeral arrangements, setting up automatic payments for utilities, car payments and insurance, communicating with life insurance companies, and the retirement system for Dad’s pension so she continued to receive survivor benefits, Social Security benefits, etc. Dad did not have a will, medical directives, or power of attorney in case he became incapacitated. At the time, it wasn’t a big deal because everything was automatically transferred to his spouse. While assisting my mother with the administrative transition, I brought up the subject of seeking legal advice and having a power of attorney, living will, medical directives, and plans for her care if she became ill several times. Each time she would change the subject and not want to discuss the sensitive but necessary topic.
Fast forward to May 2023, Mom was eating dinner at my brother Ed’s house. She started to feel numb on one side and had severe back pain. Ed rushed her to the ER. She was in the hospital for weeks as they ran tests and treated her. Mom instructed the hospital staff not to discuss her condition with anyone, including her children. She would spend weeks between the hospital and rehabilitation facilities trying to get her stable enough to come home. We still had no clue what was wrong with her and how to care for her when she came home. I live 144 miles away and was undergoing treatment for panic attacks while driving, so any support I provided at this time was remote. Within a few months, I recovered and would drive over for one week out of the month. In July, she was released. She could not go to her home for safety reasons as she was a severe hoarder. So, Ed took her into his home. Once she was released to my brother’s care, the diagnosis was confirmed: Stage 4 Cancer that metastasized in her brain. In her condition, she needed round-the-clock care because the physical and mental decline was so rapid. Ed did the best he could, but the demand wore on him. Through his employer, he got in contact with Soter Family Advocates. This company provides in-home care advice and local community providers, unbiased senior living information and tour assistance locally or out of the area, home monitoring and medication reminders, and financial care coordination. Ed and Mom were assigned a care coordinator named Kim. She was so dedicated and knowledgeable about this case. Kim set them up with the Visiting Nurses Association to provide support at home. She continued to find suitable locations for Mom, but she refused to leave even though the help at home was still not enough for Mom’s condition.
Dealing with the complexities of legal guardian paperwork can be overwhelming, especially when a loved one’s health deteriorates. When Mom lost her mobility and became paranoid, combative, and refused to move to an assisted living facility, we felt helpless. We wanted to return to being her children, rather than her caregivers. Despite trying to get her doctors to declare her unfit to make medical decisions, we were either ignored or dismissed. One doctor finally did take action when Mom collapsed after signing herself out of the hospital against medical advice. However, we weren’t informed that the document needed to be presented in court, leaving us back at square one.
Frustrated and stressed, my two brothers and I began researching legal guardianship paperwork and elder advocacy. Initially, our efforts were unproductive, including an unfortunate experience with an online legal service. Eventually, I found a non-profit in Brevard County, which, though not offering legal services, directed us to an Elder Law attorney. Researching county and state resources for elderly legal guardianship is critical in these situations.
After finding a reputable attorney, they immediately began working on our case, recommending we pursue Emergency Guardianship, followed by Plenary Guardianship if needed. My brothers nominated me as the legal guardian due to my organization skills and ability to handle legal guardian paperwork efficiently. Though the process required meticulous time management, communication, and patience, we successfully secured Mom’s placement in a safe environment. Through proper legal guardianship, we were able to manage her medical, financial, and administrative needs, allowing us to spend quality time with her again.
If you’re navigating legal guardian paperwork, make sure to seek expert advice, have strong organization skills, and connect with trustworthy legal resources.
Bottom Line: If you feel like you are in a hopeless situation with an aging and ill parent, you are not alone and do not feel guilty about reaching out for help and making the decisions you feel are necessary to keep your loved one safe.
Also read : Understanding Credit and GAP Insurance: A Caregiver’s Guide
